Keep dating commitment phobes
But, quite rightly, she asked why would I tolerate a man like Harry for so long if this were the case. Each time an emotionally healthy man showed genuine interest, I ran.There’s no quick fix to breaking the pattern, but understanding it is a start.My requirements were a man over six foot, with dark hair, who wanted a long-term relationship and kids. And so began the merry-go-round; reading profiles, sending emails, texts, drinks, the odd snog and then silence. Friends with benefits It was then that Harry* who I met on came into my life. By the end of our first date, he’d told me his life story.Either the men weren’t keen or, more likely, I wasn’t. As we parted, he was guarded as he promised to text.
Fast-forward 18 months and we’d bought a house together. Within weeks of moving in, I found myself crying with happiness as I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand.
We tried being just friends, then friends with benefits and then finally an item.
That lasted about a week until he emailed me on Christmas morning to say he never wanted to see me again. In a bid to forget about Harry, I returned to online dating with renewed determination.
Not for the first time, I was at my best friend’s house crying over a failed affair.
At 35, I’d spent 10 years dating, looking for someone decent I could settle down with, but yet another relationship had hit the dust, this time after three months. Everything changed when I was 25 and my boyfriend of six years said: ‘I don’t love you enough’, just after I’d had our baby girl. From being settled with a man I’d been with since age 19, I found myself in a council flat as a single mum. Spinning between grief, sadness, anger and loneliness, with my father, and my ex’s parents’ support, I found my feet on Bambi legs.
So I tried speed dating, but decided it wasn’t for me. Well-meaning friends reassured me ‘weak’ men are never attracted to ‘strong’ women. The biggest shift Months of dating turned into years. The very ground I walked on felt irreparably shifted when I left my dad dead in that hospital bed. I lost weight and months passed in an empty numbness.